Bill, my desk plant, keeps growing. He won’t stop growing. Dear God, make him stop growing.
I apologize for not updating this blog more regularly. My lunch was giving me a hard time last week, and I apparently fell into a black hole. But I’m feeling much better, and I’m back in my rhythm now. Work has really picked up, and I’ve been more productive than ever. And I threw away that old lunch box. It didn’t keep cool very well.
I’m so proud of Little Bill. He’s grown so much in just two weeks! I almost couldn’t log onto my computer this morning, he’s gotten so big. And leafy! He’s almost two feet tall now. When sat at my desk, his little branches reached out and gave my neck a hug.
He’s gotten strong, too! I couldn’t breathe, and my vision started spotting. I tried to lever a finger under his limbs, but the garrotes were too deep. My arms went numb, grew heavy, and sunk to my sides. The leaves began to velcro my face.
“Hey, man, you might want to prune back your plant,” said E—. “Having a desk plant is cool or whatever, but it’s starting to spill over into my desk. Mind cutting it back?”
The limbs retracted.
“Sure,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a little distracted lately. I didn’t realize it’s gotten so out of hand.”
“No worries. I just like keeping things organized over here.”
“Yeah. Of course.”
E— plugged back into his desk and got back to work.
Bill is a little shaggy. I think it’s time to give him a haircut.
Like what you read? There’s more. In fact, this is the third episode in a longer arc.
“Morning coffee” is a serial fiction series, served fresh daily. So far, we’ve covered rubberneckers, co-workers, cubicle stains, office plants, desk trophies, conspiracies, secret organizations, pocket dimensions, black holes, and impending, inevitable doom. And that’s just the beginning.
Where should we go next? Let me know in the comment section below.