morning coffee: Drink. (Don’t Drink.)

There’s something in the water. And everybody’s drinking it.

No, seriously. This isn’t a metaphor. I think the office is polluted.

Recently–I’m not sure exactly when–the office resolved to get healthy. Who decided this, I don’t know. Maybe it was voted upon; maybe it was a corporate decision. Regardless, everyone must now drink at least six liters of water every day, and we’re required to track our progress on the whiteboard near the boss’s office. It’s unclear why we have to drink that much or what might happen if we fail or forget to mark it. I hope we don’t get written up; I’m not really a big fan of water.

And there’s something odd about the cooler. Last week, I noticed a speck in my cup. Now, all the water’s turned black. It’s not really a big deal, I guess. I mean, there’s fluoride in the tap, and there’s no way I’m drinking that.

It doesn’t seem to affect my co-workers, so it’s probably nothing. K— seems fine, and she’s downed three whole liters. (She’s back, by the way.) E—‘s up to almost five, and it’s not even 9 AM.

I’m sure it’s nothing. To be safe, I think I’ll stick to coffee.


“Morning coffee” is a serial fiction series. So far, we’ve covered rubberneckers, co-workers, cubicle stains, office plants, desk trophies, conspiracies, secret organizations, pocket dimensions, time loops, black holes, and impending, inevitable doom. And that’s just the beginning.

Where should we go next? Let me know in the comment section below.

Stay weird,

Jake

FYI, irrecolletions is now on Twitter. Follow along for insights, daily snippets, and refills of Morning Coffee.


Also published on Medium.

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